post number thirteen

everyone has their own signals for a change in season. my own are very unique in their own way. take for example, the fact that i generally only get sick twice a year. when the air is changing from summer to fall. and again when it changes from winter to fall. those are always hints. then there are my more obvious ones like the wish book from sears arriving in the mail. it comes in august and it is then that i begin my countdown. for example, today, there are 114 days till christmas. i know when fall is coming because you begin preparing for school. summer is coming when the angst in the air is so thick you can barely draw a breath. exams are coming and freedom is drawing closer. i like to use a more blatant hint for the end of winter. the groundhog. where the thing see its shadow or not, from there on out, spring is coming! due to my inhabitation of newfoundland there could still be five feet of snow for the next two months.. but it is still spring. i tend to neglect the dates that are set as the "official" starts of the seasons. 

school starts soon. just ten days. unless it is delayed which of course i'm vainly hoping it is. i think i am excited to go back but i can't decide. i've got the clothes, and the shoes and the supplies. but organization and energy  and determination.. i am sorely lacking.

i've come out of the hole i've been hiding in all summer. going out and having fun with friends. i also think i'm ready for a relationship. but "thinking" i am has not helped me in the past. therefore, no more thinking. just.. doing and going with the flow. i have my fingers crossed, tightly.

i think now is a very good time to share a fun fact. a very important fun fact; i'm clumsy. beyond clumsy really. not just the kind of awkward clumsy that everyone likes to say they are.. i have never fallen down stairs- i only fall up them. i fell on my face in the mall the other day. i stub my toe in the same spots in my house daily and i walk in doors and walls. people always question my bruises and ask where and how i got them; but do you think i can tell them? nope. because i haven't got a clue. i'm one of those cases that the hospital would call social services about. but hey, everyone has their faults.

i like to flatter myself into thinking that i'm clumsy because my mind is filled with extravagent ideas and plans (which it is, more than my head should be able to fit) but that is not it. i'm just clumsy.

 You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

i have full intentions of one day owning a louis vuitton set like this.

One day, his name just didn't make me smile anymore. 

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness.  I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself. 
-Neil Gaiman

  Before you, i was never so emotional. No one could make me cry, and no one made me think so hard. But now the tears flow like rain from the saddest sky there is, and my frantic thoughts are tearing me apart. I'm not going to let it end this way. I'm done feeling sorry for myself, and I'm done being broken, and I'm done letting you make me feel like that at all. I'm going to make myself stronger, no matter how I have to do it, because these thoughts are enough to drive someone insane, and I'm not going to let that be me anymore. I'm taking a stand.

the night we met,
my mouth said, “nice to meet you.”
my heart said, “oh, i’ve found you.”

you know, it seems like you only want me when you can't have me.
you like the chase and that's all. so you know what? you can have it.
-The O.C 

You know, I've got this theory ; there are two kinds of people in the world. There are lyric people and music people.You know, the lyrics people tend to be analytical.You know, all about the meaning of the song. They're the ones you see with the CD insert out like five minutes after buying it, pouring over the lyrics, interpreting the hell out of everything. Then there's the music people.. who could care less for the lyrics as long as its just got, like, a good beat and you could dance to it. I don't know, sometimes it might be easier to be a music girl and not a lyric girl. But since I'm not, let me just say this: sometimes things find you when you need them to find you. I believe that. And for me, it's usually song lyrics. 
- One Tree Hill

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you.
Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.

go ahead and tell me my dreams are unrealistic,

and i'll tell you that yours arent big enough.

 The purpose of life, is to find something worth dying for, and then living for it.

Most people don't know who they are.
That's why they lie. They're afraid someone
else will figure it out before they do.
- One Tree Hill

Declan: Mrs. O'Brady Callhan. Where the hell are you going? Anna: You said no. Declan: I didn't say no. I didn't say anything. Anna: You walked away. Declan: I was getting something. Anna: Really? That was a good time to go get something?  Declan: Yeah, it was actually.
[Presents Anna with a ring]  

have i mentioned my life would be nothing without books?

Three days ago, I loathed you. I used to dream about you getting hit by a cab. Then we had our little adventure up in Alaska and things started to changed. Things changed when we kissed. And when you told me about your tattoo. Even when you checked me out when we were naked. But I didn't realize any of this, until I was standing alone... in a barn... wifeless. Now, you could imagine my disappointment when it suddenly dawned on me that the woman I love is about to be kicked out of the country. So Margaret, marry me, because I'd like to date you. 

-The Proposal

decoratingconsistsofbookshelves movie favorite

Landon: I'm sorry she never got her miracle.
Reverend Sullivan: She did. It was you. 

-A Walk To Remember

decoratingconsistsofbookshelves movie favorite

Nobody forgets what happens,
the secret is learning to live with it

"I can conquer the world with one hand,
as long as you are holding the other."

life isn't about finding yourself.
its about creating yourself.

i'm tripping
and stumbling
out of love,
but i'm so tired of being
a clutz.

You can never live,
until you dare to die.

i <3 lofts

Just kiss me and
let my hair messy
itself in your fingers.
Let me steady myself in the
arms of a boy who
won't ask me to be
what he needs,
but lets me exist as I am.

In the end, you always go back to
who was there in the beginning.

When someone sees you
as you really are,
and still wants to be with you,
Now that's powerful

Maybe the past is like
an anchor holding us back,
maybe you have to let go
of who you are
to become who you will be.

On my knees
screaming at the clouds;
Tears falling from the dark sky .
Hate is a four letter word;
But love is a four letter lie

i intend to start my life in london, england; preferrably the countryside clearly.

Do it today,
it may be illegal
tomorrow.

the brave may not live forever
but the cautious do not
live at all.

the world owes you nothing
it was here first

i'll never understand why
fate allowed us to meet but
never to be together

i'm at this at this point in my life
where i`m just daring someone
to push me off a cliff, just to see
if i'm strong enough to fly.

and i intend to finish it in scotland.

Pile up too many tomorrows,
and you'll find that you've
collected nothing but a bunch
of empty yesterdays.