post number twenty nine

christmas is much closer than we'd all like to think. good thing i got a new JOB! woohoo. i know, everybody celebrate for mee. so hopefully i'll have lots of monies soon. i really don't have much to say tonight. christmas is coming, i have a new job, my family is as FUCKED as ever. merry christmas to meeee. NOT. all i have to say is they can fuck right off because anyone who tries to dampen myyy holiday spirit will be stuffed up the god damn chimney. anyhoo.. you probably won't be hearing much about "r" anymore. i am a teenager and our minds do change like the wind.. but for now. ta-ta.

Everyone says we're in love. That despite our current situations, he loves me and i love him, and we're going to end up together in the end. He's just done nothing about it.

I am constantly pushing away boys who actually care, because i want the one who doesn't.

He's so confusing. Some of the things he says to me, make me believe that he really does like me, and then some other things he says make me believe that i'm just a girl who never even crosses his mind.

He's so confusing. Some of the things he says to me, make me believe that he really does like me, and then some other things he says make me believe that i'm just a girl who never even crosses his mind.

The fact that you can't kiss your own elbows is enough to make you realize that some things seem to be close yet they are bound to be beyond your reach. 

There's a big difference between: who we love, who we settle for, and who we're meant for.

I'm not afraid of heights, i'm afraid of falling. I'm not afraid of the dark, i'm afraid
of what's in it. I'm not afraid to love, i'm afraid of not being loved back.

Sometimes I really wonder how stupid it would seem to him. How I sit here with my eyes never leaving the screen of my phone, waiting for his new text. Or refreshing the screen until it says he's online. Or how when I miss him I read the things he told me months and months ago. I really wonder what he would say if he knew he meant that much to me.

In some ways, you're pretty lucky. You opened your heart, you put yourse lf out there. You were ready to make that leap. I'm envious.
I wish I knew what that felt like. To find someone who makes you wanna swim the East River in January.
-Ugly Betty

I have never been strong enough to stay. People say that walking away is the hardest thing to do, but it isn’t. staying, even when you know it will break your heart, is the hardest thing. Staying right where you are, waiting for your entire world to be ripped into pieces is much harder than walking away and starting a new one. 

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It's not like you're giving up, and it's not like you shouldn't try. It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

I'm sorry to tell you, but I think it's true. "i'm done with him," was the truth. She's moving on without you. You never see tears in her eyes anymore. She smiles more than anything now. Don't walk back into her life and expect things to go back to how they were, because this time, it's different. This time, you made her realize she can do better.

-it's funny, i said "i'm done with him" myself today.. let's see if i can live up to this ^   keep reading and find out!

It's hard when someone special ignores you, but its even harder to pretend you don't care.

“Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.”


Why do you do this to me? You make me want to talk to you,
but when I do, you make me want to throw you across the room


I think the problem is that I'm stuck waiting for him to do something, to make a move, to say the perfect thing. And the problem it that I shouldn't be that girl, the one who sits and waits for him. I should be independent. I should think clearly and consistently without having my mind jump straight back to him. Yeah, falling for someone like that is the hardest thing to do. And the stupidest thing is that the thing standing in my way is fear of losing him, the fear of rejection, the fear that I might lose a friend that means everything to me. I want to be everything for him, but i'm not. I'm not the kind of girl he needs, and I'll never be that girl.

it's gonna be this way as long as I let it.

He didn't really do anything wrong to me. I mean yes I liked him more than he obviously liked me, but the only thing he is truly guilty of is teasing me. It's the cute texts, the long hugs, the way he makes me feel. All he's guilty of is making me insanely happy and then taking that away by dating other girls and never wanting to truly be with me. I can't even blame him for it. It's my fault for falling so damn easily.** ryan, wadda at?

Because let's face it. No matter how much you tell
your self you're over someone, your heart knows the truth.

you know you're not over him when you're trying to convince your friends.

-by yours truely: decoratingconsistsofbookshelves

Two of the hardest tests in life: The patience to wait for the right moment and the courage to accept that you've waited for nothing.