post number thirty four

trying to decide what i want for christmas is harder this year than it ever was! the only things floating in my heads are ipods and ipads but i'm not even jumping out of my skin about them.. wth do i want? really i want thousands and thousands of dollars worth of louis vuitton but that's not gonna happen. 

i added some really interesting picture of fondant cakes at the bottom. i've been obsessed with them since i started watching cake boss. the other cakes just don't cut it for me anymore. i have a feeling the ones i want are far past not happening.. however a girl can dream can't she?

r is of course at the forefront of my mind tonight.. he is an idiot. i wish he'd just ask me to prom. bc i could really use something to kick my ass into walking everyday. and dress shopping is much more fun when you actualllyyy need something to wear it to. if you remember from previous posts where i put some samples of what i like, the only two i can't decide between is the ivory lace one and the long hunter green one. both are beautiful but both definitely require me and my walking shoes.

worked my first full shift since may yesterday. it was a fuck of a lot more painful than it should of. however i worked with n and he is beyond fine! i'd do him. however, he is 25. god damn age laws. speaking of age, some gorg emt came in to the store with aunt k on an ambulance run and he asked her later my name and how she knew me bc he thought i was his age (26). damn, i told her to give him my contact info. she of course responded with dream on. at least someoneee appreciates me and all my finesse. hehe

i cannot believe how close christmas is. i hope i make enough money in the next month to buy some gifts.. i think my list this year is meg, sarah, nan/pop, mom/dad, karen/desi, luke, fran/mike, thelma/harold.. is that all? jesus i hope so. 
i'm mostly lost on sarah. she is so god damn hard to buy for and heaven for freaking bid she drop a hint. i'd be less miserable to just buy an ipad for her. look the hell out. meg shouldn't be too bad.. and the rest is w/e i come across. roadrunner will be lucky to get anythingg
i am so sick of cleaning lately.. the laundry is endless and the mess is the kitchen and livingroom is friggin endlesssss
school is going really good lately. i've recently come across my love of chemistry. but even with all the money is say, pharmacuticals(sp) that doesn't interest me.. i always go back to my love of teaching and helping others. i've been told my entire life that i have a knack for it and that it'd be a waste not to use such a skill. bc i love when we have an upcoming test or something and i always know the material inside and out without studying and can just explain/tutor all my friends. it's great. especially in chem and english. even history usually..
i've always loved science (except bio). as interesting as i find physics.. it's a lot of math and i'd be frazzled by the time i was 35. although all the good scientists were mad.
lots of good rambling tonight but i'm getting my thoughts straightened out.
lots of meltdowns with the friends tonight, i'm sure it'll be straightened out directly.
there's talks of me and a new car. my fingers are crossed so tightly i think they may be broken!

WHAT THE HELL DO I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?

To truly, I mean really love anotheris to be able to look at the personwith someone else and still manageto say -- I'm happy for you.

Never take someone for granted.

Hold every person close to your heart

cause you might wake up one day & realize

that you`ve lost a diamond while you were

too busy collecting stones.

God forbid you are an ugly girl,

but being too pretty is also your doom.

Because everyone has a secret hatred

for the prettiest girl in the room.

I really don’t understand how it makes

a difference in what you believe if you never stand up to defend it.

 don't mistake

coincidence with fate

  

  Now is our time to shine.  With opportunities to dream and possibilities vast.  Now is the time for all of us to become the people we've always dreamed of being.  This is life.  You're here.  You matter.  The world is waiting.

-One Tree Hill

Knowing that something
will never happen

doesn't make you
want it any less.

if I’m not what you
want,then don’t act like I am.

She doesnt let the world know that she likes him; she doesn't change completly around him. She's just her, and she just happens to always be thinking of him, she won't be a slut and try to get him that way; he can fall for her, the real her, if he wants.

whoever you think is watching you dance

from across the room, they aren't. if

anything, they feel sorry for you. cause you

try so hard. you're a has-been that never was.

Dear Cupid ;

we need to have a little talk about your aim

So what if I’m a bitch?

you're a whore.

and I’d rather be known

for what i do

than who I do.

I'm a slut because I'll wear shorts & a tanktop,

I'm anorexic because I eat as much as I want & don't gain weight,

I'm a bitch because I don't let you push me around,

I'm a liar because I won't tell you everything,

I'm stupid because sometimes I'm wrong,

I'm ugly because my face isn't perfect,

I'm a whore because I like boys,

I'm annoying because I'm not chill enough,

I'm a loser because I'm not friends with your group,

I use people because I do what's best for me,

I'm fake because most of the time I'm happy,

I'm weird because I'm not like you,

I'm controlling because I get mad sometimes,

I'm clingy because I like to be around people,

I'm greedy because I like to be satisfied,

I'm naive because I'm younger than you,

I'm conceited because I'm proud of who I am,

I'm rude because my manners aren't perfect,

I'm unappreciative because I don't praise you.

Don't try to tell me who I am because I already know.

Never do anything you

wouldn't want to explain

I’m not upset that you lied to me. I'm

upset that from now on, I can`t believe you.

Yeah you’re right;

I was the one that said

"things changed"

But sweetie you,

you were the one

that proved it.

& now you decide to push me away?

don`t bother. I`m walking.

I just might be the girl

who get's hit by a parked car

& For the first time in a long time,
I just don't care about us anymore.

Best friends;
the ones that you can
get mad at for only an hour because,
you have important stuff to tell them

 it's true what they say, old habits are hard
to break, but you'll always remain nothing
but my most tempting mistake

My stomach hurts because people
keep feeding me bullshit & I'm gonna
throw it all up in their faces.

Best friendsYou fight;; I fight
You cry;; I cry
You jump off a bridge;; I jump in a paddleboat to save your stupid ass

sometimes i just want to push you
into the oncoming traffic but
then I realize I'd kill myself trying to save you

i want someone to tell me that

they love the way i talk in circles,and how it makes perfect sense.

don't fall for the boy next door.
believe me, he'll move.

the key  to success is trying when

everyone else tells you to give up.

last year.. long hair.. skinny.. ugh

i want one of these puppiessss

gotsa die my hair zis colour!

 
i often wonder if i'll ever survive...